I wanted to get on today simply to encourage you. I understand what its like to be in a season that is hard and dark. When it feels like life just isn't going your way and nothing seems to be getting better. I have been through many phases like this especially as an adult and I try to be extra grateful when those clouds finally part and life is a little simpler again.
I haven't shared very much about my son Tristan, but we have battled his healthy since day one. Actually it goes clear back to when I was pregnant with him and his twin brother. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant this time around, I felt this hug pit in stomach. Worried that this pregnancy would be the roller coaster ride that two of the other 3 had been. Much to my surprise, things have gone so well. I have felt better than ever and as I write this post everything is looking normal for both me and baby. That is not something I'll ever take for granted! But life seems to go in seasons. And right now it is again Tristan's season of unrest. So while I certainly wont take a second of this "healthy and normal" pregnancy for granted life is still not without trials!
Tristan was born early and small for his gestation we also soon discovered he had many abnormalities that affected his bladder, kidneys and urological makeup. We were so fortunate to have an amazing pediatric specialist that helped us through his first 4 years. He had a total of 5 corrective surgeries and through out those years was constantly battling infections and on antibiotics. The surgeries he had were also pretty intense. They required long recoveries at the hospital one of which meant I missed my little girls Birthday.
When he had his final surgery just before his 4th Birthday I held my breath and said some big prayers that it really would be it. You see his first surgery failed, and the subsequent surgeries that followed were much harder and more involved. I knew that there was a chance that the several phases of surgeries he had would also fail and we may never be able to end the cycle of infections and surgeries needed for him to be healthy.
It has been nearly 3 years since that last surgery and we are so lucky that it did indeed work. So naturally that would mean he is healthy and thriving and life is good right?
Alas that has not been the case. Some kids are fighters, and they start out as fighters and they just have to keep on fighting over and over and over. Last year a new slew of symptoms started. He began getting sick very frequently and having what I can only describe as "barfing marathons" every few weeks. After several rounds of this I knew that it was more than a tummy bug that just kept returning and so back to the doctor we went. He has always been small but at this appointment he was officially diagnosed with Failure to Thrive at 6 years old.
What could this mean? Why was our little boy not growing and developing like he should be. We had concurred what felt like the biggest hurdle which meant that he should be thriving so why was he now sick again?
In the months that have followed we have been referred to several specialists and done countless tests to try and get to the bottom of it all. We feel so fortunate to have some answers. I know how devastating just not having answers is, and I also know that sometimes there never is a black and white answer that checks off all those boxes to help you wrap your head around what is going on. So I truly feel so blessed that we were able to understand why he has been unwell.
I wont go into full detail because I do wish to protect his privacy but we are closer to getting him well. Time will be the biggest determining factor of weather or not we have truly found the solution but I am very hopeful that we will soon be back to thriving once again.
I hope that what ever season you may be in that this post fills you with courage, that hard times do end and that you are not alone. It is beyond frustrating to conque one struggle only to find your self faced with a new one. It seems to be the way life ebs and flows and so while I cannot promise the hard times wont come I can promise that they will end and that you have a loving father in heaven to help guide you through it all.
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